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by Evette Horton
Founder
Chapel Hill/Carrboro Mothers Club
Last month, we discussed where to start in figuring out what's
going on with your child. I recommended the Gesell Institute of Child Development book
series by Ames and Ilg (Your One-Year-Old, Your Two-Year-Old, etc.).
I mentioned the concept of disequilibrium, the fact that a child's development is an
ever-evolving cycle, with periods of relative calm and periods of turmoil.
Now that we know this, what do we do? Yes, it is
helpful to know it's not "you"; i.e., it's not your parenting style that's making
your child do this. or your stress level. or your PMS. It's an actual developmental
state. But is that enough? It's not enough for me most days. Even knowing the behavior
is normal, it can still be difficult to handle the temper tantrums, biting, hitting,
door slamming, or whatever else your child is doing.
Remember, there is a positive side to these difficult times.
A child's period of "disequilibrium" is paving the way for the next stage of development.
Their brains are growing at enormous rates. It's like they have to go through the
disharmonious time to make it to other side .like they have this developmental
ying-yang thing going on! I see it in my 2 � year-old right now. I see his anger
and aggression at me, and then I see him start to have his first EVER interactive,
social play on the playground. His separating from me is allowing the new social
behaviors to emerge.
The Gesell books give lots of helpful hints on what to
do at all the age levels and developmental stages. I haven't found anything to
disagree with in these books, so I usually recommend their ideas.
I also find it helpful to double-check for any medical
issues. My oldest would always have meltdowns when he was working on an ear infection.
A friend reminded me this week to check for 2-year molars in my tumultuous 2 � year-old.
It's important to rule out any medical concerns that might be impacting your child's
behavior.
Remember, if you are still not sure if what's going on with
your child is "normal," get a second opinion. Ask your pediatrician, preschool teacher,
or a knowledgeable friend.
And don't forget to get support for yourself. Thank goodness
for Mom's club friends who support you through your—and your child's—rough
days.
Posted December 2005
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